I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
