Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
