1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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