you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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