i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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