It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
