I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize