brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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