Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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