I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
