don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
