90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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