biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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