i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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