So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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