so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
