my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
