he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
