My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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