i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I am morally bankrupt
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I still have a little drunk in my system
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize