jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
