Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
