If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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