i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
