we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize
