my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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