Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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