MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
