What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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