dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
