Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
