I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Randomize
