I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
