onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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