Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
