**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
