im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
