i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize