If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
