We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
