3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Screwed.edu
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Your dad touched me again.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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