Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
