you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
