I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
