So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
