I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
