Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
