got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
