he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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