Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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