Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize