i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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