Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
