Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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