i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
