My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh god it's open bar.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
