tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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