We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
