Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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