She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
