I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
