Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
