I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
