Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
