My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
