I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
