This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
