omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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