Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
