READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
