If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
